Why Pain Will Make You Happy

The Kings Letter

December 9, 2023

Read the online version here.

Everything we do is in the service of avoiding pain.

If you are having a meal you are avoiding the pain of hunger, if you are watching Netflix you are avoiding the pain of thinking, if you are breathing you are avoiding suffocation, and if you are just twiddling your thumbs you are avoiding the pain of boredom.

You are making a mistake.

Pain is your friend and not your enemy.

Trust me, I tried being both on the dark and the light side and it turns out both are pretty grey.

There is pain on both ends of the spectrum.

The difference is - on the dark side pain chooses you and on the light side you consciously choose the pain.

The difference is astronomical and changes everything.

It changes who you are.

If you don’t exercise, for example, the pain of not being able to move because you are overweight and you are carrying so much extra weight that your back hurts will choose you and will hurt you as much as it can (or as much as you allow it, and you will allow it to hurt you because you are weak).

On the other hand, you can choose your pain and decide to go to the gym every day, sweat your ass off, grunt in pain from lifting weights, and have a painful recovery but you will perceive it as something completely different.

You will associate this type of pain as pleasure almost because it is associated with bettering yourself.

This type of addiction is the opposite of drugs.

When you try drugs you feel great, dopamine rushes through your body and you get that sweet high. (I am not promoting the use of drugs here, use your judgement.)

The more you create a life where drugs are a routine, they become a burden and start weighing heavily on you where the only thing you can think about is drugs and that addiction spills over all parts of your life in a negative way.

You stop caring about anything that doesn’t bring you that high like your job, friends, and family.

So you start with huge amounts of pleasure and you end up with nothing but pain for you and people around you in every sense imaginable.

When you try doing sport for the first time, let say, you start with pain.

Depending on your level of activity, It hurts to even think about standing up and walking for an hour or putting sports shoes on to then take public transport and exercise in the gym, doing things you have no idea about, feeling shame being surrounded by people who are better looking than you and know what they are doing.

If you manage to go over that discomfort you repeat it the second day. And then a third. And fourth. And before you know it you are seeing some results.

Less fat around the waist, bigger arms, stronger back, you can walk easier, have more stamina in the bedroom…

You become addicted.

So in this example we start with big resistance and pain but the more we do it the more pleased we are getting out of the rut, the happier we are, the more opportunities we get and this spills into other parts of our life too.

You will see improvement in relationships you are having, in money you are earning, and the way you feel in your body.

It is necessary to feel pain first in order to come to the right kind of pleasure.

The same applies to relationships.

You can choose to have meaningless relationships with people you don’t really like or pay for sex regularly but this will bring you only short term satisfaction.

A temporary dopamine release after which you will feel empty again and in need of another fix soon.

Or you can choose to go through the pain of carefully selecting your partners, thinking about what you want and need and what you can offer, and temporary forgoing cheap sex for a bigger payoff down the road.

And don’t thing that not thinking about it is avoiding choice and that this somehow gives you a free pass for laziness.

No, no, no.

Not choosing is also a choice.

You choose not to choose and this way effectively choose inaction which will have consequences later in your life.

You are basically choosing to take on a pain loan.

Instead of paying it all upfront, you choose to pay it off later with interest.

I am writing this letter in an airplane to Riga, Latvia and since I won’t have that much time while touring, this letter is a bit shorter.

I hope you still derived some value out of it and that you will take action.

If you have something you know you must do, do it.

If you know there is something you need to say, say it.

If there is someone you know needs you, give them love.

If you enjoyed this, forward it to a friend (or an enemy).

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Push further,

Mislav Brajković

KingsString